There were about a million times I went over in my head what I would say or what I would do if we ever had a conversation again. If we were ever even in the same room together again. The boy who crushed my heart. The boy who stole my confidence. The boy who helped me create the beautiful life that is my son…and then just left him. Well, all I could think that night that you were right there in front of me was…”Thank god I moved on.” I never realized how much I had changed and how you haven’t at all. You’re just the same as you were before I came a long. Having a son changed my life. I’m so different now. I see the whole world differently now. Having you there in the same room with my boyfriend and I…it made me realize how lucky I really am to have Colby and my son. Not OUR son, but MY son. Why? Because you left him when he was still so small and needed you the most. You sat there talking about pregnancy scares you had with other people and all the great parties you go to…completely ignoring the fact that the mother of the child you abandoned was in the room. You sat there talking as if he didn’t exist. Well, it’s your loss. And, god, I am so lucky that you left me with a broken heart. You gave me the strength and courage that it took to pick myself back up. You gave me Shane & Colby…the light of my life and the love of my life. The two people that mean so much to me. I’d say I feel sorry for you, because one day you WILL wish you had been there to watch your son grow up…but all I can say is…you’re weak. I’m much stronger than you will ever be. And I have your sorry, pathetic actions to thank for that. Have a nice life. :)

What do you want me to say? Do you want me to say that I’m going to be okay? That if you leave my heart won’t be broken? Do you want me to lie to you? Or do you want the truth? Do you want to know how badly it will hurt to see your face every day and not be able to grab you, throw my arms around you, and kiss you. Do you want to know that I’ll sit there, hoping that you decide that you made a mistake and that you want to be with me. The truth? Well, that’s the truth. The truth is that I love you with my entire heart. And honestly? I can’t see why you would want to walk away…not at this point. I’ve made mistakes. I’ve messed up. I’ve pushed you away before…but here we are. We’ve been through hell and back together. I’d do anything to see you smile. I wake you up with breakfast, because I like doing the little things for you. I kiss you as much as I can, because I don’t want to waste a single moment that we have together. I tell you I love you every single day, because I don’t want a day to go by that you don’t know how I feel about you, because who knows what’s going to happen tomorrow. I’ve stood by you through things that most girls would have just said “fuck it” and walked away if they were in my shoes, and you’ve stood by my even when I didn’t deserve it. I’ve been there for you. I’ve put up with your crap and you’ve put up with mine. That’s the truth. The truth is that no matter what I do or how hard I try…I’m always going to love you…whether you’re with me or not. What hurts the most, is thinking that I want you and you don’t want me. The hardest thing about a broken heart wouldn’t be losing the person I love..it would be loving someone who used to love me. Knowing that after everything we’ve gone through…I lost you. You can’t imagine all the thoughts that race through my head. I mean, what did I do? Am I not good enough? Am I not smart enough? Am I not funny enough? Am I not pretty enough? I’ll go over it a thousand times in my head. Sitting here. Back tracking over every little detail to try to figure out what I did wrong. My hearts in limbo. You tell me you love me and turn right around and tell me that you don’t know if this is what you want anymore. It’s not only breaking my heart, it’s tearing me apart and making me worry sick. I want to know what’s going to happen, but then I don’t…because I’m afraid it’ll be the opposite of what I want. I’m so scared that you’ll tell me those few words that will break my heart……

Just because you walk around in tight pants and long overly straightened hair, you’re not metal. Screaming doesn’t make you metal. Neither does your misplaced eyeliner, boys. Please keep your grindcore/’screamo’ where it belongs in its own category FAR from the widely respected, true metal. I prefer my music to have a real meaning.

(Source: goatkult)

Basically new 16 gig iPhone four for only eighty bucks? Thank god for stoners who just want their money. :b faaank you, Colby.